And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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