Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
