I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
