We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
