Me too!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
