My Higher Power is John Stamos
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
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