i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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