Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He felt like a one man threesome
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
