remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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