is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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