Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
