that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
