are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Let's paint friendship bongs
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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