Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
