the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
