Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
