hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
