hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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