you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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