you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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