Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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