He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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