All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I enjoy the company of your penis
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
