We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
