did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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