Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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