Barsexuality is the new black.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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