Pants 0. Shit 1.
I smell stomach acid.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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