i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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