You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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