My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
