i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
