The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
