i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
