Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
