my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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