Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Damn victory sex feels great
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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