Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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