We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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