well you can't waste a boner
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
