I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
