just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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