I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
