Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
