I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
