So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
