then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
