I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Liz is crying about burritos again.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
