shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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