He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
