I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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