Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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