Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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