I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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