Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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