What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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