well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
