I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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