Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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