She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize