he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
