Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize