I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
