Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
