Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
