I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
