Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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