i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
