I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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