I think I died a long time ago.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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