I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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