textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
