she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
