I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
